I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
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I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
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I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)