I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.