You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
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Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
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I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?