Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD