please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.