look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he was CRYING into my vagina
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.