sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
