My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
