i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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