oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
