you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
