Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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