I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
