You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
