he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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