her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
