sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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