honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
