we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
