My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
