If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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