i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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