My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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