I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before