I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
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You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.