She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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