some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
