I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.