She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How many fucks given?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.