just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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