He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize