I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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