i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
