Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
