Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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