ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
