it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
What a dumb baby whore.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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