i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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