it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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