Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
what is it with giant penises always finding me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
