New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
