If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize