it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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