And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
