i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
