She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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