If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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