Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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