sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
