Got a toothbrush?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
