I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
