Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
