mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
