did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
