Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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