Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
