Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
