My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
