Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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