roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
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