you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
