You're my little dorito
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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