I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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