So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
