Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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