people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm at about main and main street
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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