Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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