She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
