You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
