He had one of those small greek statue penises
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
