So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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