The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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