Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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