I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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